A Moment of Surrender

We hear the word surrender in church a lot. We hear it and are often terrified of what that might mean or look like. That was and still is often the case for me; we seem to cling and clutch to a thing in hopes of maintaining control. We have this image of a God who will take from us everything good, so quickly we forget that all good in our lives has been a gift from God; this, in many ways, is the story of humanity. So let me share an example of “surrender” in my own life and how that single moment of surrender was needed for God to do a miracle in my own life.

So at the end of 2019, just before the holiday season, my life was suddenly upended as a four-year relationship, an engagement, and many friendships abruptly ended. I was suddenly very, very alone, and I had few close friends outside my family to lean on. It was, without a doubt, one of the most challenging seasons of my life, but by the grace of God, I made it through. 2020 was challenging for many reasons, so as I walked through that first year, I grieved and sought out a counselor through whom I found a lot of healing and slowly moved on with my life, giving up reluctantly on a dream I once held.

As 2021 came around, I felt my heart hungry for change, and I was unsure where to begin. I had decided to buy a house in December of 2020 as it seemed that might be the change I needed, and for a while, something was still missing. I had reconnected with some old church friends, but still, my heart yearned for something more. The church friends I had once known were now in a very different season of life than I was, so something was just missing. I honestly had not been able to put my finger on what exactly it was that my soul was hungry for. So as I continued searching for what was missing, I started trying to find friends. I began by looking in Amarillo, I found a church there, and I began to try to create opportunities for friends there, but try as I might, nothing really came of it. So I continued searching, in many ways not exactly sure what I was looking for but just knowing something was missing. As I continued my search, I began to take jujitsu classes. I had this desire to do something different, to grow myself into something more, I was tired of doing the same thing over and over and nothing changing. Jujitsu was something that interested me and intimidated me for a long time. So rather than give me time to think or let fear begin to speak, I signed up and started taking classes. Jujitsu was a ton of fun, and I dove into it headfirst, doing my best to befriend each person I sparred with during each class. Weeks went by. I spent each day working my eight to five-ish job and then rushing off to go to my jujitsu classes. After a few weeks, I received an invitation to make a plan to work toward a black belt. To do this, I would need to schedule an appointment with an instructor. So we set a date a few weeks out for our meeting.

Finally, the morning arrived, and to be sure I wouldn’t be late. I drove into Lubbock early; as I had time to kill, I went to my favorite local coffee shop to do some reading. Little did I know this choice would be a pivotal, life-changing moment for me. I was at my favorite coffee shop, enjoying a cup of coffee and a great book, minutes away from a divine appointment. I was there reading when I overheard this guy talking to a young lady, I don’t recall precisely what they were talking about, but it was something involving church and some sort of young adults gathering. Suddenly there it was. The Holy Spirit was tugging at my heart to “say something” - FYI, this is not my strong suit. I wanted to say something, and I knew the Holy Spirit was nudging me to do so. I knew this was a chance at something, I didn’t know what, but I couldn’t get myself to say anything. Excuses raced through my head about how I was eavesdropping, how they would laugh at me, how they would think I was some creep or weirdo. With those thoughts racing through my head I just sat there, put my head down, and continued reading, afraid to say anything, afraid that if I did, I’d be mocked, or worse, rejected, while I sat there wrestling with these thoughts, my window of opportunity was slipping away. So as these guys I’d overheard were walking out, I awkwardly jumped into action with a “Hey man; I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about some church thing or gathering thing. I’ve been looking for a place to connect and make friends.” Not sure what to expect, my heart racing as I waited. I had to wait but a moment for his response “absolutely man” he said, “let me get your number, and I’d love to connect with you and get you connected with our young adults.” Just like that, we exchanged numbers, and we talked briefly, and he left as he was with some friends. Not knowing what to think or what good this moment of “listening to the Holy Spirit” had done, I now sat there with an invitation to a Tuesday night gathering.

That Tuesday after work, I drove forty-five minutes to Lubbock, no clue what to expect; for all I knew, I was about to get kidnapped. I didn’t think I was pretty enough for that, but you never know, or maybe it was some crazy cult I’d been invited to, I had no idea. So I pulled up to some stranger’s house. A small group of people was gathering outside the house. I said hello to a couple of people as I walked into the house, not knowing anyone there. Quickly I found myself greeted by one person after another, and I began to introduce myself and meet more people. The whole time stepping out of what was comfortable, at the end of the night, I connected with a couple of the guys there, and the guy there who led the group, Tucker, got my number and informed me he would love to grab coffee with me sometime. We scheduled a meet-up for the coming Saturday, where we met and had what I thought was a great conversation, and he seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. I came again to the group that following Tuesday and hung out with everyone again, and I had another of the guys reach out to me, a guy named Luke, who also offered to go out and chat with me over breakfast, which we did that following Saturday.

That first Tuesday quickly turned into my weekly routine and the highlight of every week for me. I began to connect and make friends, and slowly that sense of something missing in my life began to be filled by these people. As I made friends and continued to connect with everyone, I began to go to Lubbock more often; people from the group reached out to me and invited me to hang out and go to football games and just spend time getting to know them. These moments quickly became the highlights of my week, and I longed to have a way to be around and spend more time in community with everyone.

As my friendships grew, I began finding more ways to connect with everyone, and I eventually started to go to church with them. I left my church in Plainview as I felt called to this new church. I had learned about a college ministry this church hosted called “The Way,” and although I wasn’t college-aged, it was something the young adult group also went to. Again I found my heart and soul crying out for joy as I finally found something my heart was longing for. I had found myself in a place of such isolation I didn’t feel like any young adults wanted to pursue a godly purpose-driven life, but here I saw just that, many of the young adults volunteering with the college ministry, and soon I found myself reaching out to the Pastor over “The Way” and asking him how I could serve and help in this ministry. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but it just seemed right. I didn’t want to just “go” to a church anymore; I wanted to find a way to “invest,” I soon found myself driving to Lubbock almost daily, hanging out and serving as often as possible.

Soon I found myself longing to live closer as the forty-five-minute drive was getting a little old. It was worth it, but it limited my ability to connect. The idea of moving seemed impossible. I had just bought a house and had many bills and a mortgage to pay. As this desire grew, I tried to think of a way, but the idea seemed impossible. One Sunday after church, I remember distinctly we all went out to eat at Chilis. One of the girls, Lauren, one of those types of people that just say what they are thinking out loud, looking at me, she said: “Why don’t you sell your house already?”... “I can’t,” I explained, internally disappointed at this reality. But that wasn’t a good answer, and she took up a chant of “sell your house,” and quickly, everyone at the table jumped in, all chanting, “sell your house”. The reality that I couldn’t sell my house sucked, and as the chant died down, and I couldn’t help but smile. At that moment, what truly stuck out was that these people cared about me; they wanted to spend time with me. My inner demons had plagued me with questions and doubts about their reasons for being so kind and welcoming to me, but at that moment, I felt such love for these people I had known only for a few months.

After lunch that day, I drove home again and found myself singing praise and worship songs and praying out loud for the glory of this new chapter and how God was working in my life and for these friends God had given me. Little did I know God still had more on the horizon for my life. As I drove home, I found an idea forming in my mind. My brother, who lived in Plainview, had been looking for a new place as his apartment owners were constantly raising his rent. He needed a new place for him and his roommate, so there was a chance. Still, it seemed unlikely; considering the expenses and all, it just didn’t seem possible to rent it out at a rate that would be reasonable for my brother and manageable for me. Still, I decided to crunch the numbers and figure out what I could rent it out for realistically.

After figuring out the numbers, I finally talked to my brother about the idea one Sunday afternoon as we were headed to “The Way” together. My heart was already invested in the idea, so I was fearful of his answer, but I knew I had to give it at least a shot, so I did. After talking to him about the idea, he told me, “let me think about it.” I agreed, but internally I was disappointed, wishing for an immediate energized yes from him. Internally I was still wrestling with the idea, was it a good idea to jump into this new thing, was it smart, was it the most responsible thing for me to do? So we continued on to Lubbock in silence until he suddenly spoke up. “I’ll take it,” he says. “what”? I asked, not sure what he was referring to. “I would like to rent your house,” he said “something about it feels right,” he told me. “Really?” I asked, not really expecting him to be interested. He affirmed he wanted to rent it and felt like it was the right thing to do.

There it was, God provided again. See, my brother had been trying to find a new apartment for months due to the rental companies’ constant raising of costs, but something happened each time, and it fell through. He had even thought about buying a house but to no avail. I sat there in silence once again as we continued the drive, realizing how God was working in my life. Also, seeing how each time there was an action needed from ME to step into these opportunities, God was putting in front of me and holding out an open hand in front of me filled with blessings. Still, I had to choose to trust and accept the risk that came with each opportunity and the uncertainty that came with each risk.

So I had mentioned to one of the guys in Lubbock about renting a room from him as he was looking for a roommate, and I told him I might be interested. So I had already planned and asked him about renting from him. The cost of rent was within my budget, so here it was, six months after I met this random guy at He-Brews coffee; in a single moment of surrender and stepping out of my comfort zone, my life was radically sifted in the direction I was going.

I only learned about He-Brews through a blind date where I got ghosted after. I can say it was for the best now that I look back at it, but the story gets better, so that random guy I met at He-Brews, that guy’s name was Tyler. Tyler had recently surrendered to God’s will in his own life by choosing to move to dusty, not-so-pretty Lubbock to be the Associate Pastor for a college ministry in Lubbock called “The Way,” but not only that - now, that same Tyler and I were also going to be roommates as he was looking for a roommate and I was looking for a place to live and friendships to cultivate. I think about this series of events in my life, and I am reminded of the verse in Romans 8:28:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

God had a plan and the perfect ability to work through the events that had taken place in my life; God was working for my good, to provide for me in bigger, better ways than I could even imagine and before I even asked or knew what to ask for, God was working for my good. Like a master composer, God brings our lives together into a beautiful symphony that sings a glory song to an all-powerful God, an all-loving God who alone can weave the messy, chaotic lives of a freewill creation into a song of beauty. By God alone, can my mistakes be continually woven into an eternal song of praise. Only an all-powerful God could take my messiness, and despite all my stumbling and flaws, could He create something of wonder and beauty where the only response was and is awe because there was no way I could have made it happen on my own.

So in closing, I leave you with this idea of a singular moment of surrender that brought a directional shift in my life and blessings upon blessings I could never have fathomed. You see, surrender is not a thing that really gets easier (or at least it hasn’t for me) because God will always ask us to surrender a little more than what is within our comfort zone. But here is the key - God does not force our surrender. He does not take from us our free will because there can be no true love where there is no free will. So we have to choose to surrender moment by moment. I could have sat there in that coffee shop on that Saturday morning and stayed in my comfort zone. If I had, maybe God would have given me another chance at the same blessings I live in today. Very likely, though, I would have missed out on the blessing of a fantastic community of young adult believers who have radically shifted my life, challenged me to grow, and given me newfound joy.

So as I sit here once again at He-Brews finishing this testimony of God’s work in my life, I ask you these questions, “Where is God calling you to surrender?” and “What blessings lie on the other side of your surrender?” You will never know if you don’t choose to trust God and step into the unknown, where each step is a step of faith, where you have no choice but to be led by God. It’s scary, it’s terrifying, and it’s where we grow the most. Matthew 7:3 says this:

“Ask and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”.

Our God wants to bless our lives, He wants to answer our prayers, and He is constantly working on our behalf. God brought Tyler to that coffee shop as an answer to my prayer that day. What stands out to me in Matthew 7:3 is this: “seek,” and it says “knock.” These are both words of action. As we read the story of the Bible, it is a story of people who took action, who chose to step into the unknown, and despite their mistakes and failings, they CHOSE to trust and take action. I want you to consider how your moment of surrender could bless your life or be a blessing to someone else’s life. Tyler had no clue that I would be there that day. He had no idea how his choice to move to Lubbock would create an opportunity to change and shift my life radically, but God knew, and he saw an intersection moment in his day and my own that shifted my life. It was a single moment that took me from a place of despair and loneliness to a place of joy and community.

I hope this testimony of how God has worked in my life in the past nine months can encourage each person who reads this. God does not often work how we imagine, but He’s always working on our behalf.

-Franz