Cheap Sex, The Collapse &Abandonment of Marriage
Introduction
As I spent this week reading through “Cheap Sex,” which you’ll read more about below, an idea struck me that I wanted to try and introduce and articulate. We have today seemingly “villainized” the idea of “dependence.” Now, to be clear, there is both healthy and unhealthy dependence. I am here trying to introduce the idea of “Healthy dependence.”
We see today a worship independence. We have sold the youth of today a lie and told them that they must learn to depend on no one but themselves and that it is somehow an insult to their character should they depend on someone. I can’t tell you how often I have heard a message something like this.
“I don’t need no man. I am a strong, independent woman.”
I can’t help but think to myself. Wow, it must be so nice not to need anyone else. I’m so happy for you! Look, this isn’t a message intended to target the ladies. This is intended for both men and women. My point here is that we have created an egalitarian culture where we are told that we don’t and shouldn’t need each other, but in the most literal and biological sense, we really do need each other, if for no other purpose than the continuation of the human species. There are some who think there are too many humans as is, but let’s be honest, those who say that are stupid and maybe even evil.
Men and women thrive so much more in a complementary environment. Men do some things better than women, and women do something better than men! We are not EQUAL! To be equal means TO BE THE SAME! Don’t make me explain basic math to you here. We are equal in value, but we, as human creatures, are not equal. We are different and made to be different. This is a thing of beauty; there is something so beautiful when you see a woman care for her child, her unique ability to physically nourish her child. Something no man can ever achieve despite what our modern world would have you believe.
I have so many thoughts on this subject, but I will leave you with those for now before I turn this post into a full-length book. One final quote I leave to you as I introduce you to this week’s learning.
“There can be no dependence now on one another; there can only be wholly, holy independence.”
What I Learned This Week
Cheap Sex
This book was written by Mark Regnerus, a sociology professor at the University of Texas at Austin, and I must confess I very much enjoyed it. This book builds a brilliant case for the idea that the cheapening (the ease of access) of sex is what has caused much of our modern dating and relationship woes. This is a fantastic book and one that is currently, as of this writing, free access to those who have an audible subscription. Some key ideas I learned within this book that I’d like to share are.
Male sexual interest is cheap.
This idea is not new to anyone who has dealt with a post-pubescent male, and there is in men a far greater sexual driver than in women. This is proven time and time again by all studies; the things needed to stimulate a male are very simple “be female,” and for human males, there is one additional caveat “be moderately attractive.” This is not intended as a justification, just a simple undeniable truth. Sexual attraction among males is very cheap, and this leads us to the second observation.
Male Romantic interest is very costly.
This was an idea I had never put into words, but I have to say it is absolutely true! What this means is that despite the sexual attraction to a specific type of female, among human males, there is again a second caveat. Though a man may be interested in a certain type of woman on a sexual level, that same woman will often not be someone of interest on a romantic level.
“There are those you take home for fun and those you take home to introduce to mom.”
This is not intended to promote or condone the actions of certain types of men who would use and abuse women for sexual gratification, but rather to point out that the girls a man wants to “have fun” with and those he wants to build a life and family with are most often not one and the same. If you want to be the latter, there is a certain type to be again. This is true for both men and women.
Historically women were simply choosier, which meant there were fewer girls to go “have fun” with, forcing men to become the latter better option. This changed when we added…… The Pill.
The pill allowed us to maximize our interest in sex while minimizing its cost.
This is seen as a modern triumph of technology, but as we continue to see the social ramifications, we must ask whether the pill has done more good or harm to society.
“Men do truly want sexual access to cost them something, but it’s easy to access today, and so it’s easy to throw away. That which you don’t have to work for, generally you don’t value.”
What I found most profound about this book is as I read it, I couldn’t help but keep thinking that everything this book was saying, without saying it overtly, is that Christian sex ethics seem to be the backbone of society. For there to be stable families and relationships, there is an ancient and divine guideline that, when followed, seems to provide the most social stability.
I found this to be an incredible book as it manages to tell us much of the “why” of Christian sex ethics and why they have been fundamental in the stability of society, and how as we continue to abandon them, we continue to see a continual decline in marriage rates, increases in divorce rates and depression rates. All these things are interlinked.
The book closes with a rather grim outline and predictions for the coming years, some of which have come true since the writing of the book.
A few final points on this idea for you to chew on as you consider the question, what cheapened sex?
The pill
Easy access to high-quality pornography
Destigmatization of masturbation
This subject fascinates me as I consider the continued observation of what many call an “epidemic of loneliness.” We have never had more opportunity to connect, and yet somehow, we have become the loneliest generation to ever live, and we’ve done it to ourselves.
Mark Regnerus has a second book called “The Future of Christian Marriage,” a book a look forward to reading. Sadly I have run out of audible credits and have hit my book spending limit for the month. So when I do finally get around to reading it, I will continue to share what I’ve learned on this subject.
I share this podcast episode I listened to for those interested in hearing a brief conversation on this subject outlined above.
One final point made in this podcast that I don’t recall in the book that I thought was really insightful.
Modern marriage is seen more as the “capstone moment” of life rather than the “foundational moment” for beginning and building life.
This was an incredible insight for me personally and one I think is pinpoint accurate. For many young people today, I think they look at marriage as the final hurdle of life. They see it as the moment when the adventure ends, as though marriage is the final hill to climb, and afterward, it is simply a slow descent toward death.
This is, in my eyes, such a perversion of how it should be seen.
A North Korean’s Warning To The West
For anyone who has not heard of Yeonmi Park, I highly recommend you check out her TED talks or her books “In Order To Live,” which I am currently reading, or her second book, “While Time Remains!”
The only thing I can say is listening to her story is truly humbling; to hear her story is a surreal reminder of how very spoiled we are in the west and how much we take for granted the freedom we have here! Her story of how she escaped North Korea and was sold as a sex slave is one that everyone should hear, and She is a truly admirable young woman!
The Truth About Autogynephilia
I’m not sure what to make of the information I learned in this podcast, but as a whole, I did find it very interesting. I do warn anyone who chooses to listen to it that it does contain a fair bit of explicit sexual dialogue in relation to the subject of autogynephilia. As we continue to see the cultural conversation of sexuality evolve and morph, this will become an increasingly mainstream part of that conversation.
#1949 Russell Brand
Joe and Russell have a delightful conversation about the fallout that followed after COVID-19 and how the governments used this event as an opportunity to amass more power and inch us closer to a dictatorship. The conversation ranged well beyond what I can remember, but it was a very entertaining episode and enjoyable!
#367 Sam Altman: OpenAI CEO on GPT-4, ChatGPT, and the Future of AI
I am continuing to play with Chat-GPT and watch as it transforms and, in many ways, silently revolutionizes our modern world beyond what we can seemingly fully imagine. This podcast with the CEO of OpenAI was one that I was very eager to listen to and learn more about. I was gladly dissuaded from the belief that those at OpenAI were some evil superhero villains seeking world domination.
This conversation just reinforced my belief that our world is about to shift dramatically. Many jobs will be replaced by AI, and many new ones will be created. The possibilities are simultaneously exciting and terrifying. As a tech nerd, I don’t know which I feel more.
Brainstorming ChatGPT Business Ideas With Billionaire Dharmesh Shah
This podcast plays directly into the previous. As we see a revolution in technology, there will be a first-mover advantage, and so as I listened to this podcast, I found myself trying to understand how and where I, too, might have opportunities to capitalize on this new technological frontier. A conversation between a group of guys who very definitely all have incredible ideas on how to do just that “capitalize!”
What I did
Finished my Tableau specialization
Beginning my studies in Rev-ops
As always, thank you all for checking out my latest post. As you all learn more about me and the things I enjoy, I’d love to hear from you! Do you have any book recommendations or feedback on how I can grow my audience or improve the content I share here please reach out and let me know!
