Escaping Digital Cages And The Notion Of "Should"
I am one of those weird people who loves spending time with spreadsheets; something about being able to order all the chaos of numbers. And then being able to clean up the data and visualize it is something that I find just resonates with me. Taking chaos and ordering it all into columns and rows is very appealing to me. This confession may also be revealing of my own psychology. I like things to be orderly and clean, and I like to be able to make sense of problems. Sadly, life often does not allow for such order, and rarely can you sort all our problems into some sort of mental columns or rows. But there are some things that can be so as I began my 2024 journey of learning, I decided this year I wanted to take a new approach to “tracking” my learning journey, so I decided to create a spreadsheet where I track all of the audiobooks, podcasts and educational youtube I watch or listen to. I realize this is likely an unappealing idea to many, yet for me, it is a tangible way for me to track and understand what it is that I am feeding my mind/learning. So, a simple, fun fact is that in January 2024, I spent roughly 34 hours learning through one of the previously mentioned mediums.
Last year, when I first began my substack writing journey, I shared my conviction of how I had spent my time in the past, feeling as though I had wasted this most precious resource of “time” given to me by God. So, in an effort to spend my time more productively, I began sharing my weekly screentime reports as a form of accountability, knowing if I shared it publicly, “If I brought it into the light,” I would find a greater conviction to minimize it. I also began using an app called Opal this year that allows me to set screentime limitations, so during the workday, I am unable to access all entertainment or social media apps that tend to distract me. This app has allowed me to further reduce my screen time; it has also forced me to be more engaged with my surroundings. Now, when I stand in line somewhere, I am no longer able to compulsively begin scrolling through my social media feed. This has also forced me to actually observe my environment. Standing in line, I may now actually see the architecture of the building I am in; I may see the painting on the wall and how it’s tilted ever so slightly, and I may see the ceiling tiles and the spot where there is water damage, but most importantly I may finally see the people around me, see the people standing in line with me and maybe just maybe I’ll meet someone new and connect to another human being if only for a few minutes if they too look up and escape from their digital cage.
Studies show that we live in the loneliest generation in recorded history. The saying has become cliche at this point, but we live in the most connected world in human history, yet we also live in the loneliest generation ever. Many articles have been written on the subject, and many opinions have been shared by far more credentialed writers than I, yet if I may make an observation of my own, I think part of this issue is that many have simply forgotten or maybe never even learned how to interact with strangers. We learn as children, “Don’t talk to strangers,” and then as adults, never learn that sometimes maybe we should indeed talk to strangers. We have unintentionally created an environment where everyone thinks “Stranger danger” and so avoid interacting with others. We feed our minds endless negative stories of situations gone wrong, and it eventually influences our psyche, an influence that is rarely apparent to anyone as it doesn’t manifest itself in the real world. Can you imagine if it did? What if the influence of our media manifested itself on our bodies as some form of facial rash? I doubt any of us would be unmarked, young and old alike, for we have all been educated by the screens that surround us, and I think many don’t take inventory of what it is they are learning.
Also, if you haven’t noticed, this is how I am able to rationalize my uber-nerdiness in creating a spreadsheet just to track my podcast and audiobook listening. But truthfully, it has given me a reason to pause and ask myself where the thoughts and ideas that run circles in my mind come from. Am I cultivating a healthy mind and healthy thought patterns? Am I willing to ask the question of where did this “idea” come from? Do I question the truth of the ideas/slogans I entertain and repeat, or Am I simply a mockingbird of other people’s ideas? If I am, whose ideas are they? Society, culture, people, and mainstream media often tell us we “should” do X, Y, or Z. What is their “should” grounded in? I was listening to the “Becoming Something” podcast a while back, and during their conversation, at one point, one of the hosts says a series of “should” statements, to which another of the hosts asks, “Did you just should all over me?” I have no idea if they scripted this, but it was a moment that resonated with me as I realize we often fail to realize the “shoulds” that influence us.
Growing up, I learned to question everything from my mother, who would often question doctors to exhaustion when she took us in for a check-up. She would relentlessly question them till they had seemingly been rung dry. My mom didn’t just take what they told her; she would follow up by purchasing an endless series of books on health and medicine and informing herself so that she could understand the “why” of all the “should” statements the doctors told her. We are bombarded by so many “shoulds” in our world, and often, we rarely take the time to question the “Why” behind the “should.” My mom taught me to question, but not only to question, every “should.” She taught me to search for the “why.” There are some very clear things in life that we indeed “should” do, but the question I would ask is, what is informing your “should?” What is it grounded in? Is it based on human conventions and expectations, or is it based on Biblical wisdom?
I grew up believing that I should believe in God and that I should fear science. As a result, I spent twenty-plus years of my life believing without understanding. It was only when I finally dared to question and inform these shoulds that I found I finally was able to believe in God not based on the shoulds I was taught. I learned to believe because I had informed myself, much of which was actually through the evidence found in scientific studies. Studies I had once feared because I had been told I should fear. The word “should” is the core word of all forms of propaganda, and it is it that forces an invisible hand upon unwitting millions and bends them to the will of someone or something. There is an agenda behind every should; the question you might consider asking is whose “should” is it? In the upcoming election season, we will hear many shoulds; you will be told you should vote this way, you should do this, you shouldn’t trust this person, but you should trust this other person. When I came to the should of why I believed in God, I had to come to terms with the fact that it was possible that those who had taught me could have been wrong. I had to come to terms with the fact that it was possible that by the end of my search for the truth, I might no longer be able to believe in what I had been taught or told. I had to admit that my parents, who love me, could have taught me something that wasn’t true. Yet it was only through this willingness to question and honestly search for the why behind the should that I was able to finally move from a belief that God exists to a belief in God's existence.
We are bombarded by should; everything in our world has a should, even if the word isn’t used. There is a should behind every ad, behind every billboard. Every “do” has a should behind it, and every “belief” has a should buried in it, every “want” has a legacy of should.
Why should I do X?
Why should I believe X?
Why should I want X?
If you can see and understand the shoulds in your life, you will find purpose in your life. Your beliefs will become your own, and they will be given new life. The things you do will become energized with personal conviction, and your desires will become personal pursuits and ambitions.
My Favorite Quotes I heard this past week
“Don’t invest in someone with great potential; invest in someone with great patterns”
- George Janko, Episode #51 The George Janko Show
“Fear is a mile wide and an inch deep”
-Alex Hormozi, Episode #738 Modern Wisdom
Until next time, have a great week!
