Gratitude, Growth & Prayerful Living

Thanksgiving is a holiday often forgotten. Thanksgiving is seemingly a filler holiday in preparation for Christmas. As soon as Halloween ends, Christmas lights go up for many. Nothing is wrong with being excited about Christmas and putting up your Christmas lights immediately after Halloween. If any holiday deserves two months of celebration, it’s Christmas. But I also believe there is tremendous value in slowing down, reflecting on the past year, and remembering what God has done in our lives. Something I started doing a few years ago is each year around the Thanksgiving season, I would message my bosses and the leaders within the company I was working for, and I would thank them for the opportunities they had given me, or I would message a friend and thank them for their friendship. Spending time reflecting on how people and God have blessed us in life is something that I feel can help us to orient us in an increasingly narcissistic, materialistic world. Having a heart of gratitude is something that I feel is not culturally popular, as we always want more, and it is easy to talk and complain about the things we don’t have rather than praise God for what He has blessed us with and thank those around us for how they have blessed us. So, my effort in today’s post is to reflect and remember the last twelve months of my life.

There are moments that become catalysts that change our lives. As I reflect on this past year, many events and moments allowed me to be where I am today. For me, a pivotal moment was last year when I was disappointed when someone I was interested in pursuing romantically ultimately rejected me. Something that though it sucked, it became a central catalyst for me to evaluate my life and, in many ways, led me to where I am today. As I faced this disappointment and rejection, something I confess I did not do graciously, it fueled me to evaluate my life, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do. During that moment, I finally decided to face some of the demons and insecurities I had long avoided. One of these was that I had long avoided getting my GED done because I feared failing or feeling stupid if I did fail. But this rejection became a newfound resolve that drove me to begin to study and finally climb and conquer this mental mountain. So I began; I would come home and study each day after work. Friday nights were spent studying, and social events were forgone for the sake of getting this done. After three months of relentless studying, I got it done, and I got my GED. Through this, I became the first person in my immediate family to get any form of credentialed education.

Through these months of vigorous study, I had a newfound passion for learning, and I found a hunger welling up in me to learn more. I wasn’t happy with just getting my GED, so I began to search for other learning opportunities. Through this hunger, I found a learning platform called Coursera, where I discovered hundreds of certifications I could get, but one stuck out to me. It was a Google certification to become a data analyst. One of my coworkers at the time had been telling me a little about it, and as I started digging into it, I realized the utility it could have within my current role within the company I was working for. So I started to study for it and soon was able to complete it and a few others I found along the way.

I am someone who has an obsessive personality. When I see something I want, I pursue it with relentless fervor and chase it until I get it, or the door gets slammed in my face. This is something that has been both beneficial and detrimental to me. Once I found this certification and determined that I wanted to earn it because I was tired of feeling like I had no options, and it became my next obsession. I would spend all day learning, and then my evening would again be spent going through this course. This certification finally gave me the confidence to begin looking for another job, as I continued to be dissatisfied with my work and the lack of opportunities to grow where I was. I had also begun using my newly learned analytics skills within my existing position, but my employer did not have an official role for me in this field. So when another one of my technicians quit on me, I finally decided I had had enough and wanted to look for something new. I had been with this company for ten years and needed somewhere new to grow.

So it was that I found my new employer. I explained to them my vision, my ambitions, and what I wanted to do in this new role. I was still figuring out what I wanted to do, but the one thing that was clear to me was that I wanted to find a place that would challenge me and allow me to continue to grow my existing skills as a team lead as well as use my newly developed analytic skills. So when I went in for a formal interview, I found myself repeating something a mentor once said; “Give me enough rope to hang myself.” When I said this during the interview, I got some looks of uncertainty. But I explained to them that I wanted the freedom to try and fail. I wanted to be able to dare and effect change and help the company grow and become the best. I didn’t want just to be another employee clocking hours; I wanted to be an instrument of success for this new company. I wasn’t leaving behind the previous ten years of experience; I would take it into a new company and wanted to make it the most successful company I could.

It has been a little over six months, and I am happy to report that they have given me exactly this freedom, and I love my job. It constantly challenges me and forces me to adapt. These challenges get me out of bed each day excited to go to work and keep me at the office by my own choice for twelve-plus hours a day.

During this time, I was also driven to sell my old house in Plainview, and I was able to buy a new one with my brother in Lubbock. A home that has allowed me to bless others in my life whom I care about and allowed them also to escape a hellish situation they were in. As I reflect on these last twelve months of my life, I see that there has been an incredible amount of change, and it’s easy to forget and feel as though I am getting nowhere and making no progress. I have also found a continued energy to learn and become better. I have consumed more podcasts and read more books in the last twelve months than at any other point in my life, finding new questions and subjects to obsess over, many of which I have written about here. During this time, I have had to face many more of life's demons. I have fought and wrestled with God relentlessly, and I have lost every time, and every time I have lost, God has revealed to me a new thing for which I can be grateful. God has revealed to me how utterly dependent I am on Him, and He has graciously and patiently given me the freedom to make my mistakes. And He comes through each time I metaphorically hang myself through my words or deeds. He cuts the rope, and He helps me to my feet again. I say and do stupid things all the time, but I am so grateful to God and my friends for being ever patient with me. God knows I will do something stupid again, yet He does not remove from me the freedom to make those choices, though sometimes I wish He would. But He always helps me to my feet again. He always allows me another chance to do better.

As this year comes to a close with holiday events on the horizon, I want to make sure and remember all the things God has done for me. I want to remember the mistakes I’ve made, and I want to learn to do better and become better. I do not want to become bitter, but better. I want to become a better brother, a better son, a better man, a better disciple of Christ. I do not know what season of life is next for me; I hope for a wife and family of my own, and I hope for opportunities to help others through the things I write. I hope for many things, and as I reflect on the last twelve months, I am honestly grateful for the rejection I experienced. I wish I had handled it better, and I wish it hadn’t been necessary, but wishing changes nothing. I will, by the grace of God, take my every mistake and my every hurt, and I will do my best always to allow God to use it and me to help someone on their journey. I will do my best not to live in the regret of my mistakes but to own each mistake as my own. I will not live as a victim of my past nor as a victim of others. We are all broken, we all hurt one another, and we all make mistakes. I want to become more like Christ. I want to truly be someone who can bless and pray for those who have and will yet hurt me.

In closing, I want to introduce you to an idea I recently had. I was reminded of the Biblical command to pray without ceasing. In an attempt to learn this and practically practice this command, I was inspired to set an alarm on my phone each hour of the day. So, each weekday, beginning at six am and continuing until six pm, I have a reminder to pray for someone. Each alarm is labeled with a name to prompt me to pray for that person. Some on this list are near and dear to me, and others are not. I share this not to sound holy but to share my conviction that I am called to pray always without ceasing, but I am also called to pray for those who persecute me. I have today no one in my life who is genuinely persecuting me, but my conviction is that if I can’t pray for those in my life who have hurt or do hurt me, then how can I ever expect to have a heart truly capable of praying for someone who persecutes me? These are my thoughts as I look ahead toward next week and our Thanksgiving holiday.

Thank you all once more for joining me on this journey. Please consider sharing and subscribing, and I hope you have a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving!